Name that horse

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What’s more challenging in thoroughbred racing? Winning the Triple Crown?—which  will not happen for the 37th time in 38 years after Exaggerator upset previously unbeaten Nyquist in last week’s Preakness. Or coming up with a good name for your horse?—one already not among the roughly 450,000 registered with the Jockey Club.

There are all sorts of rules in this game. No using names currently on the Jockey Club’s “permanent” list, which not only covers winners of races in the Triple Crown series but also famous horses in popular culture. There will never be another Secretariat or American Pharoah. Or Black Beauty. Or Silver. Or Trigger.

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Names of living persons are allowed only with written permission from that person. (Nyquist owner J. Paul Reddam, a Detroit Red Wings hockey fan, had to work that out with the two-legged Wings’ forward Gustav Nyquist.) There can be no names with clear commercial significance, and the name must be limited to 18 characters—including spaces between words. (In the case of a horse named Twitter, the thoroughbred’s christening in 1992 preceded the creation of the social networking service by 14 years.)

Also verboten are names that are suggestive or vulgar, in poor taste or offensive to specific groups. (It must be noted that a few risqué monikers have slipped by the name police, the less racy among them being Boxers or Briefs and Hoochiecoochiemama.)

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The man currently in charge of monitoring, approving and recording thoroughbred handles is Jockey Club registrar Rick Bailey, who has come to appreciate the creativity involved in using sly puns, nutty combinations, references to the horse’s pedigree or to present-day doings.

The 1990s sit-com “Seinfeld,” proclaimed by TV Guide to be the greatest television series of all time—and still in reruns—has inspired racing steeds to be dubbed Serenity Now, Yada Yada Yada, No Soup for You, Hello Newman and Low Talker, among others. The controversial presidential election of 2000 brought a flood of names such as Dangling Chad, Electoral College and Florida Recount. When news broke in 2008 that New York governor Eliot Spitzer had been a customer of a high-priced prostitution ring, a colt was named Luv Gov.

Not surprisingly, the wider world of sports regularly is mined, so there are thoroughbreds called Three Pointer and Slam Dunk, Hat Trick, Home Run, Touchdown. Also, playing on marquee athletes without appropriating their full names, there is an A Rod, an Eli and a Peyton. And a Le Brown James.

So let’s say you have $110,000 to spare, the amount it cost to buy Exaggerator at the yearling sale, and you’re looking for a good name. Something catchy and memorable, perhaps with an inside joke attached. (The story is that Exaggerator’s trainer, Keith Desormeaux, described his girlfriend and assistant, Julie Clark, as someone who stretches the truth a bit. And followed through on informing her, “Julie, I’m going to name a horse after you.”)

Maybe you could go for a name that speaks to the racehorse’s lot in life, along the lines of the 27 names in use that start with the word Galloping or Gallopin’ or Gallop’n. So: Trotsky? (Sorry, taken in 2006). Meal ticket? (Already on reserve with the Jockey Club.) Don’t Look Back? (Gone in 2010). Long Shot? (On the permanent list.) Wishful Thinking? (Claimed in 2009.)

OK. Another source of potential names could be songs dealing with the Sport of Kings.

    I’ve got the horse right here

    His name is Paul Revere

….from the tune Fugue for Tinhorns in the 1955 Broadway Show “Guys and Dolls.” Alas, Paul Revere is on the Jockey Club’s permanent list. Two other horses are mentioned in the ditty, but Valentine was taken in 2013 and Epitaph scooped up in 2009.

The Race Is On, a 1964 country hit by George Jones, presents possibilities in mimicking a track announcer’s race call to detail romantic relationships….

    Now the race is on

    And here comes Pride down the backstretch,

    Heartache’s goin’ to the inside,

    My Tears are holdin’ back,

    They’re tryin’ not to fall.

    My Heart’s out of the runnin’

    True Love’s scratched for another’s sake.

    The race is on and it looks like Heartache

    And the winner loses all.

Sure enough, though, Pride was accepted by the Jockey Club in 2006, Heartache in 2014, True Love in 1993. That does leave My Tears and My Heart.

Meanwhile, It occurs that, given the big money at stake in the sport, Cash Cow would be a blue-ribbon name for a thoroughbred. (Such a winner, in fact, that it was taken in 2010.) Well, then, Go To Guy. (Claimed the same year.) Or Money in the Bank. (2000).

What about sobriquets that address racing’s tendency toward excitement and surprise? Zoot Alors. (On the books since 1975). Perhaps the Anglicized version of that expression: Holy Smoke. (Gone in 2008).

The Jockey Club is allowed to “release” a name for re-use after a horse reaches the age of 11 and has not raced or not been bred during the previous five years. In 2009, for instance, the name President Hillary was released. (And is still available as the 2016 campaign heats up.)

A less political approach seems safer. Something like Magic Carpet Ride. Dog and Pony Show. Eat My Dust.

Let’s say I have $110,000 to spare—now that’s Wishful Thinking—and am inclined to name my imaginary horse friend with a nod to my almost half-century in the journalism business. Since Suddenbreakingnews (fourth in this year’s Derby and signed up for the Belmont Stakes) already is on the Jockey Club registry, along with Headliner, Wordsmith and Rewrite, even Laptop Computer, I might have to settle for Inkstained Wretch.

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Olympic wear and tear

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In cataloguing past Olympic experiences, I am now willing to air my dirty laundry.

I simply ask the reader to concede that circumstances can provoke transgressions. To cover the Games, as I did for Newsday on 11 occasions, requires a stay in the Olympic host city of roughly three weeks while the international pageant plays out. That demands a considerable supply of raiment. Unless, of course, one avails oneself of the resident cleaning service.

Which I decided to do halfway through the 1984 Los Angeles Games, primarily because I was running short on clean undergarments. And here’s the vulgar denouement: The articles of clothing returned to my room a day later clearly were not mine. Wrong size, wrong color and, frankly, not perceptively clean.

Given my low threshold of revulsion, I abandoned the box of skeevy skivvies and settled on recycling what I had. And never again entrusted the locals with any of my wearables. It is the better part of valor to tote an extra suitcase to distant Olympic venues, packing enough clothes to last the duration.

In every sense, the trick to surviving these long-running shows is preparation. Beyond the specifics of the job—being armed with prior reporting to compensate for limited access to the Games’ principals, plotting adjustments to the Globe’s time zones—there is the matter of appropriate attire.

Jere Longman of the New York Times was among the few who used to go about his business at the Winter Olympics (impressively) in suit and tie. But his chores were conducted almost exclusively indoors—figure skating and so on. For those of us who had to mix in a turn on the ski slope, the bobsled run or the opening and closing ceremonies, a less formal—and more reasonable—answer to possible hypothermia necessitated an array of layered paraphernalia. Long johns, jeans, ski pants, sweater, ski jacket, wool hat, gloves.

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During the bus ride to one event during the 1994 Lillehammer Games, played out in the snowy, 10-degree elements, I was topping off my bundling exercise by sneaking hand-warmers into my boots and gloves when a native Norwegian, working as an Olympic volunteer, sussed me out as a wimpy foreigner. “That’s cheating,” he said. Not in an unkind way.

The only thing to do is swallow one’s pride and carry on in as much comfort as possible. My friend Jay Weiner, who covered multiple Olympics for the Minneapolis Star-Tribune, always was a model of sober pragmatism—and to hell with fashion.

For the Winter Games, he had this Elmer Fudd hat, with big flaps to cover the ears. During the typical confusion of bus rides and long days, carting around laptops, reference guides and other necessities, Jay’s hat went missing at the 1998 Nagano Olympics. Until he got a call on his cell phone from a Games volunteer: “Mr. Weiner. We have your hat.”

The Japanese were so vigilant to their service culture that there were regular communications to harried, distracted visiting reporters regarding the retrieval of credit cards and other misplaced articles, large and small. In the cafeteria of the main press center, there were little lost-and-found boxes by the cash registers, containing coins as insignificant as one-yen pieces (worth about 8/10th of an American penny) waiting to be claimed.

A second time, Jay misplaced his hat, and a second time Japanese volunteers rescued it.

Weiner, by the way, was so meticulous in his comprehensive strategizing for international sports competitions that, prior to the 1991 Pan American Games in Cuba, he ordered “special tropical shirts” he was convinced would keep him cool in the Caribbean heat of August. L.L. Bean still sells those shirts, claiming they are “top rated for breezy comfort and colorful patterns…in extra-soft and breathable cotton [that] keeps you cool on the hottest days.”

The afternoon of opening ceremonies in Havana, reporters were herded into a large, airless room—stifling hot, with bludgeoning humidity—for the better part of an hour for some sort of security clearance. Eventually all exited, thoroughly soaked in perspiration. Weiner and his tropical shirt included.

Nothing to hyperventilate over, though. There are some Olympic attire anecdotes to lift the spirits, such as during the 1988 Summer Games in Seoul, when word spread that visitors could find grand bargains in the city’s Itaewon district, known for tailors producing custom-made suits. One brief fitting session and a return days later for the finished product, and a Mr. Sol had sold me a fine garment for approximately one-third the cost I would have paid at home. That suit lasted 20 years.

But, too, I have a clothes tale hinting at dastardly gamesmanship. During the 2006 Turin Winter Games, I was availed of what trash talk sounds like in the sport of curling, the apparently civilized competition resembling shuffleboard on ice.

American curler Maureen Brunt revealed that a curler might attempt to unsettle an opponent by casting aspersions, sotto voce, during the mostly quiet action. According to Brunt, “You might say, ‘Hey, she has lint on her pants.’ Or, ‘Her mittens are shedding.’ It throws her off from concentrating.”

Now, that is airing dirty laundry.

He outlived Hofstra football

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It was just last week that one of my Hofstra University journalism students, for his final paper of the semester, wrote a lament of the school’s 2009 decision to disband its football team. “A Lost Program Gone But Not Forgotten,” he called it.

And now comes the news that a central figure in both Hofstra and Hofstra football history is gone as well: James Shuart, dead at 85.

By the time Shuart retired after 25 years as University president in 2001, he had come to be a sort of Father Hofstra. He had Dutch roots, like the school itself. He had earned both his undergraduate and master’s degrees at Hofstra. He had been one of the first 12 football players to receive a Hofstra athletic scholarship and was a member of the original Hofstra lacrosse team.

He had returned to his alma mater to work as admissions officer, faculty member, dean and vice president before assuming the presidency in 1976, at a time when the university was struggling financially. During his tenure, Hofstra increased enrollment, expanded academic offerings and library holdings, initiated presidential conferences, became the first private university campus in the nation to be fully accessible to the physically challenged, moved its athletic department into top-tier Division I and founded the school of communications—where I now work after 44 years as a reporter for Long Island’s Newsday.

The year after Shuart retired, the football stadium was renamed in his honor. James M. Shuart Stadium still stands, but in 2004, the school’s athletic nickname was changed, from Flying Dutchmen to Pride, and in 2009 Shuart’s successor, Stuart Rabinowitz, did away with intercollegiate football for fiscal reasons.

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I am the first to acknowledge that, in the reality-based world of 21st Century college sports, it is difficult to rationalize the expense of fielding a football team at a small private school. Enormous costs for insurance, equipment and staff are virtually impossible to offset when there is none of the rabid spectator following or the massive television-fueled revenues of thoroughly professional powers such as Alabama or Ohio State.

Furthermore, it is not impossible to be a top-flight institution of higher education without a football team.

But it was sad to see the Dutch label ditched. Hofstra takes its name from William Hofstra, an early 1900s Long Island lumber magnate of Dutch heritage upon whose land the university is built. And Shuart told me, during a long interview shortly before he retired, how his surname “really is from the Dutch ‘Sjoerd,’ which means ‘George’ and was used as a last name when Napoleon insisted that people had to have last names. I’m one-quarter Dutch; one of my grandparents allegedly was Dutch.”

When the teams were called the Dutchmen, Hofstra dressed a coed in a Dutch-girl costume as a mascot, complete with wooden shoes, and called her Katie Hofstra—after William’s wife. (Hofstra still holds an annual spring Dutch Festival to showcase a campus flooded with tulips—another Shuart initiative.)

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More to the point, Shuart epitomized the sound mind, sound body ideal in college, a “student-athlete” before the term was coined by the NCAA as a brand to rationalize the recruitment of jocks whose primary purpose was to win games and boost the salaries and resumes of coaches and athletic directors.

Shuart, a history major, was captain of the 1952 Hofstra football team his senior year, when Hofstra lost only one of nine games. That loss was to Alfred, when an Alfred punt took an odd bounce, glanced off a Hofstra blocker and afforded Alfred the fumble recovery that set up the winning score.

“We were so upset,” Shuart recalled. “Young men—20, 21 years old—tears streaming down our faces.” Hofstra’s coach then was Howdy Myers, who in 1950—Shuart’s sophomore year—had started the school’s lacrosse operation.

“He called his first meeting of the football players that February,” Shuart said, “and handed us gloves, a helmet with wires and sticks. He said, ‘Gentlemen, this is lacrosse.’ That was his spring training.”

As president and after his retirement, Shuart remained a passionate Hofstra football fan until the sport was dropped, a fixture at the team’s home games long before the stadium assumed his name. For years, a Jim Shuart Football Scholarship went to one of the school’s players.

In 1999, when Hofstra advanced to the Division 1-AA football playoffs before losing to Illinois State, a star of the team was Long Island native Kahmal Roy, a sophomore wide receiver who had been granted one of those Jim Shuart scholarships.

“They never threw the ball to me when I played,” said Shuart, who had been an interior lineman. “But when Kahmal scores a touchdown….oh, man!”

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Golf’s place in the Olympic club

 

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One truth about the Olympics is that it is not all things to all sports. A walk on the moon to competitors in some disciplines, the Olympics is just another road trip for others. Compare the potential payback for great champions in track and field or swimming—fame and fortune for a Usain Bolt or a Michael Phelps—to that in men’s soccer: Participating in the World Cup is far more prestigious. Or tennis: All four Grand Slam tournaments are significantly larger stages than the Games.

And now, for the first time since 1904, there will be Olympic golf this summer in Rio de Janeiro. Already several of that sport’s most prominent players have announced they will take an Olympic pass, including three ranked in the world’s top 20—Australia’s Adam Scott and South Africans Louis Oosthuizen and Charl Schwartzel—as well as former No. 1 Vijay Singh of Fiji.

The going explanation for withdrawals is golf’s hectic, globetrotting schedule, which is packing three major championships into a six-week span from mid-June to late July—the U.S. Open, British Open and PGA Championships. The Olympic tournament is scheduled in mid-August.

Plus, there is the scarifying Zika virus outbreak in Brazil, specifically the reason cited by Marc Leishman, Australia’s No. 3 player and 35th in the world, in removing his name from Olympic consideration this week.

No one has yet declined to compete just because the new Rio course is built next to the Jacarepegua Lagoon. Jacare, in Portuguese, means “alligator,” and one of those eponymous reptiles recently was spotted on the links’ edge. There are reports that at least five biologists will be employed to move the imposing critters away from players and spectators during the Games. So that sort of water hazard might deserve consideration.

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When the International Olympic Committee voted in 2009 to bring back golf, last contested at the 1904 St. Louis Games, it might have weighed the priorities of modern-era pros already fabulously compensated by—and plenty busy with—their structured leagues and organizations.

Olympic basketball, with NBA players eligible since 1992, has worked pretty well because it is contested in the league’s off-season. Still, some stars—either of their own volition or leaned on by their full-time employers, as Latvia’s Kristaps Porzingis was by the Knicks this month—choose to eschew the Games’ potential for injury and fatigue.

Olympic hockey in the Winter Games, in spite of providing splendid TV ratings and magnificent drama since NHL players were welcomed in 1998, nevertheless has no guarantee of continued partnership with league owners. The Olympics interrupts the NHL schedule and, in 2014, ended Islander all-star John Tavares’ season because of a knee injury in Sochi.

Baseball, after five Olympic cycles as a full-medal sport during which it stirred little attention, didn’t last past the 2008 Games because Olympic panjandrums were frustrated by the complete lack of Major League talent and suspicion of the sport’s delayed efforts to fight doping.

Golf? It seemed an all-aboard-the-gravy-train vote for the IOC in 2009, because Tiger Woods was not only the sport’s top player then, but also one of the globe’s most familiar names, and surely a magnet for more TV and advertising revenue. Especially when Woods declared his eagerness to grace the 2016 Games with his presence and the British bookmaker William Hill immediately established him a 6-1 favorite to win the gold.

Alas, Woods’ dominance faded long ago. He hasn’t played at all in six months while recovering from back surgery. At this point, he could not come anywhere near qualifying for Rio, which will have fields of 60 men and 60 women, based on the world rankings in mid-July.

NBC’s Golf Channel has said it will air 300 hours, 130 of them live, of the Olympic tournament, and Olympic executive producer Jim Bell told Reuters that he believes players who skip the Games will soon regret it. But the reality is that no top pro needs the Olympics to be discovered. Or legitimized. Olympic stars are born in women’s gymnastics. Beach volleyball. Diving. Cycling. In the winter, they emerge in skiing and women’s figure skating.

So, with golf shaking off the Olympic cobwebs, 112 years since its last appearance, the more intriguing story (aside from the alligator watch), may be the glimpse of evolution—in both that sport and the Games in general.

In 1904, the Olympics was conducted under strict amateur rules. Its golf champion was 46-year-old Canadian George Lyon, who defeated 23-year-old U.S. amateur title-holder Chandler Egan in a match-play final. Lyon hadn’t taken up golf until he was 38, though his athletic feats included a Canadian record in the pole vault 10 years earlier and stardom in cricket, baseball and tennis.

(George Lyon)

(George Lyon)

The only other Olympic golf competition was in 1900 in Paris, when there were both men’s and women’s tournaments. American Charles Sands, who also participated in tennis at those Games, won the men’s gold. The women’s champ was Margaret Abbott, a 22-year-old Chicago socialite who died in 1955 unaware that her victory was part of the Olympic program. Ironic, according to David Wallechinskyi’s Complete Book of the Olympics, because Abbott is in the history books as the first U.S. woman ever to win an Olympic gold medal.

(Charles Sands)

(Charles Sands)

In a recent Facebook posting, Rio’s venue manager for the golf competition, Bob Condron, noted that “technology has changed a bit” since the sport’s previous Olympic adventures. “Hickory shafts have given way to graphite and titanium,” he wrote. “Feather-filled balls are now known as Titleist Pro VX and your third-grade nephew could hit one into the Pacific from Colorado. And the way the media works is a tad updated. Carrier pigeons and telegraph has been replaced by methods that get copy to the public faster than the mind works. Photos get to viewers before they happen.”

In those days, golfers hit not with clubs numbered 1 through 9, but with brassies, spoons, cleeks, mashies and niblicks.

Condron, I should note, spent years as the most competent—and witty—publicist for the U.S. Olympic Committee, a man who kept me educated and entertained through 11 Olympics. If anyone can elevate golf’s place in the pecking order of Olympic sports, Condron can.

But I submit that neither golf, nor the Games, gains (or indeed, needs) embellishment from the other. And it’s no surprise to hear some of the sport’s boldface names preemptively issuing a “See you later, alligator” declaration.

Beyond ESPN’s “Norm:” Mizzou’s J-School pests

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One aspect not addressed in “Norm,” ESPN’s spot-on new documentary of venerable University of Missouri basketball coach Norm Stewart, was Stewart’s relationship with the school’s student journalists. Understand that Mizzou, as home to the world’s first School of Journalism, churned out an unusual number of wet-behind-the-ears pests whom Stewart often accused of “disrupting my team.” Realize, too, that Stewart—devilishly clever and never above haggling to get an edge—knew how to get across his point about school loyalty to us practitioners of theoretical neutrality. Often by announcing that he was “declaring war on the local writers.”

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I was a reporter for the university-run Columbia Missourian when Stewart assumed the head coaching job in 1967, and therefore embodied so much of what annoyed him about J-School. “They’re in a learning situation,” he argued to me years later, “They don’t have any knowledge about history, or any interest in it. They’re like all kids. Live for today.”

Guilty. Unlike Stewart, who hailed from the tiny farming community of Shelbyville, near Tom Sawyer’s Hannibal, and had been a two-sport star at Mizzou in the 1950s, most J-School students are virtual foreigners, drawn by J-School’s reputation and not steeped in such matters as Missouri’s established hate for neighboring Kansas. I went to high school in New Mexico, and had classmates from California, New York, Iowa, Virginia, Oklahoma, Illinois and other distant points.

It further rankled Stewart, and justifiably so, that the state’s media centers of St. Louis and Kansas City were slow to acknowledge the rapid ascent of his teams into perennial contenders in the old Big Eight Conference.

In 1982, Mizzou opened the season with 19 consecutive wins and briefly was ranked No. 1, at last in line for some national attention, but the instant it lost its first game, NBC cancelled a planned feature on the team. “I guess I ought to go out and lose five or six games so I can get on TV all the time like UCLA and Notre Dame,” was Stewart’s sarcastic reaction.

It was that February that I maneuvered a Newsday assignment to return to campus, as a ploy to to introduce our Long Island readers to “Stormin’ Norman,” who had created an image throughout the Midwest of a cantankerous soul. Regularly wrangling with officials (and sometimes fans) as he stalked the sideline, Stewart inspired opposing fans to serenade him with “Sit down, Norm!” chants.

Yet, up close, Stewart could be as charming as he was caustic, with an open, sly sense of humor, a crooked smile and tales to tell.

When I visited in ’82, Mizzou was days from a nationally televised match-up of Top 10 teams at Georgetown, which was riding the all-encompassing skills of freshman giant Patrick Ewing. Stewart sat in his office, grinning mischievously, and gilded his reputation as an agitator by relating how he once spliced together a film of what he considered the worst officials’ calls and shipped it to the Big Eight office. He told of a Notre Dame fan who had been badgering him, and how he considered mailing the man a rosary and a snuffed-out candle with the note, “You have caused me to lose my Faith.”

That evening, after Mizzou’s game against Iowa State, Stewart invited me to his home to continue the conversation. He addressed his occasionally brusque coaching techniques and manic attention to defense with self-deprecation: “Players sometimes say, ‘Coach, how do you stop that [offensive move].’ I say, ‘As coaches, we don’t do that. We just identify problems.’”

He spoke fondly of his high school coach in Shelbyville, C.J. Kessler, who originally made a name for himself in basketball-mad Indiana but, as Stewart told it, happened to marry a Shelbyville girl and, when Kessler came to visit the in-laws, “some of the local boys took him out for golf and possibly drinks, and the next morning he wakes up as superintendent of schools and basketball coach. And his wife as the school’s English teacher.”

It was about then I felt the time ripe for a little good-natured J-School revenge, recalling that Mizzou’s coaching job had become open, following the 1966-67 season, not long after I had scrutinized the failures of Bob Vanatta in a column for our student newspaper, The Maneater.

Vanatta’s team had lost 43 of 49 games the previous two seasons. Might I, a smart-aleck sophomore possibly abusing the power of the pen, have hastened Vanatta’s departure—and therefore Stewart’s shot at the job that came to shape his legacy? (He stayed for 32 seasons, won 634 games and eight conference titles and appeared in 22 post-season tournaments. He also survived colon cancer and founded the Coaches vs. Cancer organization that has raised more than $87 million since 1993. All of that is in the “Norm” documentary.)

I don’t recall Stewart’s reaction, although the hurling of rotten tomatoes would not have been out of line. I fully suspect he grasped the jest factor.

And here’s the irony:

In the spring of 1969, months short of graduation, I had arranged to interview Stewart about his landing of prize 6-foot-7 recruit John Brown, the future second-team All-American and eight-year NBA veteran. Stewart was in the hospital receiving treatment for a bad back, but invited me to his bedside to detail the lengthy process of romancing Brown and keeping him away from the likes of despised Kansas U.

That drawn-out struggle, the neighborhood rivalry, the name of the lad whose physical presence was being fought over, put me in mind of Stephen Vincent Benet’s epic 1928 poem, “John Brown’s Body,” about the radical abolitionist in Civil War days.

(John Brown's body in motion)

(John Brown’s body in motion)

It was a cheesy premise for a column, but a visit to the university library unearthed lines in the poem that spoke to Mizzou’s basketball situation, of gaining a real edge on the bitter adversary across the state line only two years into Stewart’s tenure:

    The papers praise, but the recruiting is slow,

    The bonds sell badly, the grind of the war goes on—

And:

    Go down, John Brown,

    Go down, John Brown,

    Go down, John Brown, and set that people free!

And:

    Kansas, bleeding Kansas,

    I hear her in her pain.

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The vice president of the United Press International wire service happened to be in town for Mizzou’s annual Journalism Week and saw the John Brown column. He offered me a position in UPI’s sports department in New York City.

So it was Stewart who generated the opportunity to get me a job.

P.S. In 2008, when Missouri’s J-School celebrated its Centennial with three days of forums and exhibits, Stewart was in the audience for a panel discussion on the ethics and future of sports journalism. It was good to see him. The war was over a long time ago.

 

 

Olympic idealism, Olympic optimism

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For the 1988 Seoul Olympics flame relay, the torch-bearer outfit was just a bit dorky, what with the white headband and white gloves. Nevertheless, I highly recommend the occasion for its use.

Likewise, I heartily endorse the relay’s traditional starting point in ancient Olympia, site of the original Olympic competition in 776 B.C. As the relay commenced its latest iteration days ago, leading to the Rio de Janeiro Games in August, it was an agreeable reminder of how reporting assignments for Newsday—and serendipity—afforded me entrée into those rare spaces.

Among the lessons in covering 11 Olympics was how the torch relay, among the semi-religious rituals of the Games, can sometimes seem hopelessly idealistic, almost simple-minded. As sure as there is universal brotherhood and care-free escape from real-world problems, there also is jingoism and political agendas, rampant commercialism and too-frequent doping.

The torch relay, in fact, has its roots in Adolph Hitler’s malicious Aryan supremacy scheme; it was he who cooked up the idea of marching the Olympic fire publicly through other nations toward the 1936 Berlin Games as a propaganda tool. Subsequent Olympic organizers were not above shooing various protesters or the homeless away from the relay’s path for the best possible reflection of themselves. Still, it is difficult to hold a candle to the Olympic flame’s optimism, how it has come to stand for international sport as an instrument of peace and righteousness.

As for the Games’ initial playing field—250 miles from Athens, where a cook named Coroibos raced and won the first Olympic event 2,792 years ago—I discovered during the 2004 Olympics that the place isn’t much more than a clearing surrounded by hills covered with olive, cypress, pine and eucalyptus trees.

The ancient “stadium”—from the Greek “stadion,” which is a “place to stand”—consists simply of a grassy berm around a rectangular, hard-clay field, 210 yards long and roughly 40 yards wide. There is not so much to see there as there is to feel, ghosts and whispers through 85 generations.

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There remains a stone arch at the field’s edge, through which the ancient Olympians passed from the Sanctuary of Olympia, location of the Temple of Zeus that was one of the ancient Seven Wonders of the World. What’s left of the temple resembles picnic grounds at a state park. Except, instead of tables and barbeque pits, there are a few classic ruins.

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So it is the whiff of infinity that gives Olympia and the torch relay their weight, and therefore does wonders for cutting through any cynicism. When organizers of the Athens Olympics chose to set the 2004 Games’ shot put competition at Olympia, the clash of the ancient and the modern was obvious enough: While electronic scoreboards, public address announcements, sponsorship signage, concessions and other 21st Century trappings were kept completely out of sight, there was no avoiding the small crowd of reporters and photographers—myself among them—sitting in shady spots on the berm, working on our laptop computers.

The experience of Being There was as memorable as running a one-kilometer leg (not quite three quarters of a mile) of the 1988 torch relay and feeling a bit like Prometheus, delivering the gift of fire. Or Pheidippides, carrying the news of victory at Marathon.

It was my dumb luck that one of the major international sponsors of those Games employed a New York public relations executive who worked closely with my sports editor, Dick Sandler, and was among the relay planners seeking to include an Everyman or two among the 1,539 Olympic champions and celebrities to bear the torch through South Korea, from the southeastern border city of Pusan to Seoul, over 21 days.

My assigned kilometer, two days before the Opening Ceremonies, was in the western port city of Inchon on Sept. 15—a place and date freighted with relevant history. It was in Inchon, precisely 38 years before, that Gen. Douglas MacArthur led a landing of allied troops that split the invading Communist enemy, considered a crucial turning point in the Korean War.

Photographer Don Norkett, among my Newsday colleagues covering the Seoul Games, had fought in that war and recalled how the Korean peninsula was turned in a moonscape of tree stumps and rubble in the early 1950s—a dramatic contrast to the bustling, giddy days of the 1988 Olympics.

To be a torch runner at those Games was a passport to acceptance by complete strangers, halfway around the world. Awaiting my turn to tote the flame, I had local mothers put their babies in my arms to snap pictures. Older women bowed and said annyong haseyo—hello. City officials in blue business suits appeared with handshakes, while a procession of musicians, banging drums and cymbals and wearing headdresses and robes, offered their nong ak, an ancient music of the rice paddy workers after a long day in the fields. I had learned approximately five phrases in Korean, yet was graciously informed at one point that I had “a good Korean accent.”

(Highly unlikely.) But, wow. Thank you. Gamsahamnida.

The spectators along the torch route formed a corridor of glee, shouting through laughter, waving, holding aloft little Korean flags, apparently unable to stop themselves from ear-to-ear smiling. There also was a handful of crew-cut Anglo-Saxons who, when asked if they were American GIs, replied good naturedly (typically), “Who wants to know?”

I should skip the embarrassing part, of having tripped on one of those small reflectors in the middle of the road during my relay leg. The resulting scuffed knee prompted Time Magazine’s Tom Callahan, in his account of the pre-Olympic celebrations, to slyly note that I finished my run “covered in mercurochrome.”

But the torch was kept aloft as I immediately scrambled to my feet and continued on, handing off to a Mrs. Cho Suk Jae of Inchon for the next kilometer. The flame did not go out.

Since then, as before, the Olympics has experienced its brushes with imperfection, scandal and violence. This summer, for Brazil’s turn hosting the festival, potential trouble already is lurking, given that nation’s economic, health and political crises. Beyond the shrinking Gross National Product and Olympic cost overruns that could reach $17 billion, there is the alarming Zika virus and the impeachment proceedings against President Dilma Rousseff.

Given all that, as Callahan wrote at the end of the ’88 Games, “exalting the athletes…is tricky. It requires an ability to squint a little and forget a lot, to gild a lot.”

Nevertheless, I remain loyal to the Olympic model, the possibilities of goodwill through global sport. In the ancient Games, women were not allowed, yet at Olympia in 2004, both the men’s and women’s shot put were contested, and the women went first.

Very first, at the 8:30 a.m. qualifying round that day, was Californian Kristin Heaston. She didn’t do well enough to advance to the afternoon finals. But she said, “I’ll have this forever. It’s pretty cool. Pretty cool.”

Pretty cool, indeed. Pass it on.

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A baseball habit without rhyme or reason

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It’s baseball season. It’s also the first week of a New York City law that bans chewing tobacco at the ball field. The timing of this—folklore encountering legislation and coinciding with National Poetry Month—surely demands a sardonic little ditty.

   They’re chewin’ toback

    Bubblegum, Zwieback;

    They’re swearin’ and scratchin’ and such.

    All drivel and drool,

    They’re lookin’ so cool;

    No wonder we love ‘em so much!

Could it be that one of the sport’s most ingrained customs will be snuffed out? Is it possible that a quintessential baseball convention—so long considered manly, even cute—at last will go the way of the equally unsanitary spitball?

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Consider the long history of ballplayers resembling chipmunks—wads of tobacco packed in their grotesquely distended cheeks. Expectoration forever has been a part of baseball’s “look,” coexisting with the game’s quasi-religious symbolism and perfect symmetry, a field of dreams with Garden-of-Eden roots mirroring the American soul.

While erudite essayists, with lumps in their throats and tears in their eyes, have written of how central baseball is to fathers relating to sons, of the spiritual connections to past gods of the diamond, the rough-hewn image of slugger-with-chaw has been equally persistent. And almost as celebrated.

It was only natural that, in his 1994 parody of the classic poem “Casey at the Bat,” humorist Garrison Keillor depicted Mudville’s Casey, as the hated opponent of the Dustburg side, stepping to the plate with his he-man plug.

   Oh the fury in his visage as he spat tobacco juice

    And heard the little children screaming violent abuse.

    He knocked the dirt from off his spikes, reached down and eased his pants.

    “What’s the matter? Did ya lose ‘em?” cried a lady in the stands.

Herb Washington, who had been a track star at Michigan State before he signed with the Oakland A’s in the early 1970s, exclusively to run bases with his exceptional speed, was asked the difference between track and baseball. “In baseball,” Washington said, “the players have an overabundance of spittle.” Because chomping on that stuff promotes the need to spit regularly.

A 1999 poem by John Poff, “Baseball Sestina,” contains the word “tobacco” in every stanza, beginning

   An ancient North Carolinian broke off a plug of tobacco

   And said, “When you get to the ballpark,

   First thing you do is check which way the wind is blowing…”

Spit tobacco is said to have come to baseball with the predominance of 19th Century farm boys, who had learned that smoking interfered with chores but a nicotine fix was available with the smokeless substance. More revolting than poetic are such tales as the one of Don Zimmer, who spent 65 years as a player, coach and manager. Zimmer was known to wrap bubble gum around his chaw to keep it intact, but that caused the gum to stick to his false teeth, and after once angrily flinging the wad to the ground during an argument, he had to sheepishly retrieve his dentures from a dusty glob.

Steve Hamilton, who pitched for six teams in 12 seasons into the 1970s, was with the Yankees when he swallowed his chaw while standing on the mound in Kansas City. And threw up.

Still, in his 1990s “Baseball Catalogue,” veteran baseball author Dan Schlossberg included a short section on “The Art of Chewing.” Big-league rosters continue to include fellows who took up the smokeless tobacco habit, sometimes as early as grammar school, because they saw older players chewing and thereby judged that “it was cool.”

My friend Tony has told me that, as kids attending Giants games at New York’s Polo Grounds in the late 1940s, he and his pals would position themselves near the visiting bullpen and ask likeable catcher Joe Garagiola to demonstrate a Major League tobacco spit for them. Of course he would.

Post-playing career, an enlightened Garagiola spent decades preaching about the evils of chewing tobacco, though it wasn’t until 1993 that the stuff was banned throughout the minor leagues. A 2011 attempt to prohibit it in the Majors was blocked by the players association as unreasonably restricting a legal product.

Then, two years ago, Tony Gwynn—one of baseball’s most admired and loved figured—died at 54, after Gwynn attributed the oral cancer that eventually killed him to have resulted from years of chewing tobacco.

That moved real estate agent and poet Steve Hermanos to compose “Why Do They Chew Tobacco, Dad?”

    ‘They chew tobacco?!’ the confused child asks.

    ‘That’s disgusting! Why do they chew tobacco, dad?!’

    And so, revealed to the youngster at this moment,

    Baseball players chew tobacco.

    The players’ cheeks and lips bulge with the bitter stuff,

    They spit brown spit.

    –

    How can you, the parent, respond?

    ‘It’s just what they do.

    They’ve always done it.’

    That’s Exhibit A of the charge Extremely Lame Parenting.

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Now, sanely and long overdue, New York has joined San Francisco, Boston, Los Angeles and Chicago in a municipal assumption of the good parenting role abdicated by professional sports leagues. Here and now, in National Poetry Month.

   Incongruity

   Of health and P-TUI !

   Finally moved cities to act.

   Our heroes might learn

   A leaf they can turn;

   Just spit out that wad of toback.

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Tales of a perennial Scrabble runner-up

2014 was a good year. My best year, really, since Donna and I first locked horns over a Scrabble board in the late fall of 1972. Of the 54 games we contested in 2014, I won 29. That, despite her having pulled off a single-move score of 80 points on Jan. 1, when I somehow recovered to take the game, 317-263.

In July of that year, she hit me with a 74 haymaker on one move and won by 117 points and, three months later, KOed me by scoring 43 and 92 points on her last two turns to finish ahead by 157. Still, I bounced back from that devastation to win three straight in October, then went on a rare four-game tear in November. Early 2015 was encouraging as well, when I swept three games during a February vacation (contested on a new Travel Scrabble set in Florida, where we trained for those evening showdowns with long walks and bike rides during the day).

Understand that, as a professional journalist for all of my adult life—a wordsmith, theoretically—I should excel at a game like Scrabble. Even against a woman with more brains, a Phi Beta Kappa key and multiple degrees in higher education, I should be a contender. At least.

Alas, the documentation of our ongoing competition says otherwise. Currently—though I am not conceding the lifetime trophy just yet—Donna leads, 409 games to 317. With two ties. Just last week, her opening move was a 74-pointer—“bottles”—en route to her 364-233 romp. She leads in 2016, 6-3.

You could say that my play honors the game’s title—“Scrabble” means “to scrape, scratch, scramble, dig, claw, paw, clamber.” Which I certainly do. More than Alfred Mosher Butts could have known in creating this sport in 1938, when he was an unemployed architect living in Jackson Heights, N.Y., in the New York City borough of Queens.

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My struggles are clear in the historic record of spousal conflict, tucked inside our 44-year-old Scrabble box. That collection of scoresheets reveals that Donna administered her most sound beating on Nov. 21, 2008, winning by 166 points (360-194), when she put up an 83 in one turn by using all seven letters for a linked “bridge(s)loop.” That was just five months after she hit her all-time game high of 384 points (to my 241), boosted by a 76-point whopper crafted in tacking “nettles” onto the end of “grabs”—and using a triple-word-score square in the process.

On Feb. 19, 1997, her best-ever single-turn total of 134—marshaling her seven letters around a “c” for “va(c)ation” late in the matchturned my 93-point lead into a 41-point deficit and produced yet another demoralizing defeat.

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With no disrespect, I briefly considered whether she might have been using a performance-enhancing substance. About the time of a 2013 study by British psychologists at Cardiff University, concluding that chewing gum can improve concentration in visual memory tasks, I noticed that Donna often chewed gum—two sticks, sometimes—during our Scrabble bouts.

More likely, she has continued to hone her word-forming skills by playing the perfectly legal computer puzzle Bookworm (while I waste time checking sports scores).

I am under no illusions of someday approaching the 830 points scored in a 2006 Scrabble game by a carpenter named Michael Cresta, reportedly achieved in the basement of a Unitarian church in Lexington, Mass., while his opponent—supermarket deli counter worker Wayne Yorra—scored 490 to give the two a one-game record total of 1,320. Cresta also set the one-turn mark of 365 points with “quixotry.” (I had to look up the meaning: visionary schemes.)

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Visionary, indeed. I did manage an all-time best game of 401 on March 23, 2012, when I twice emptied my rack of seven letters on single turns. But in perusing the chronology of our ongoing Scrabble odyssey, I was distressed to realize, only now, that my one-turn scoring zenith—a 110!, using all seven letters arranged around a triple-score square—in fact was a misspelled word. (“Aquaint”!?! Without a “c”? Got to be kiding!)

That was in 2009. If it ever comes up, with me already 92 games behind, I’m going to cite the statute of limitations. And hang on to that precious victory.

Time out for NCAA mascots

This is a pet peeve. Why is it that televised coverage of March Madness, which the NCAA insists is amateur sport contested by “student-athletes” motivated purely by devotion to Dear Old Alma Mater, skips the college atmospherics?

Instead of grave, ad nauseam dissection of strategy amid pauses in the action not already taken up with commercials—all that redundant hoops talk-talk-talk—how come we don’t get to eavesdrop on the occasional school fight song? Or catch a glimpse of some mascot high jinx?

During an early-round game in Memphis a couple of years ago, TV missed UCLA’s Joe Bruin acknowledging the geographic proximity to Graceland by donning dark glasses, scarf and white jump suit and hoofing to Elvis music. Can’t help falling in love with that.

elvis

Instead of official canned “CBS College Basketball Theme” music going in and out of advertising breaks at this weekend’s Final Four, why not linger briefly on the Oklahoma band pounding out a few bars of “Boomer Sooner”? (The music is a rip-off of Yale’s “Boola Boola,” but any fight song does a better job of placing the viewer on the scene than generic network tunes.)

What mostly separates the Big Dance from just another NBA production are the pep bands and anthropomorphically costumed wildcats and ducks and shocks of wheat—partners in high times for the schools and their most involved followers, the students and alumni.

Not so long ago, I found an interview of Iowa’s Herky the Hawk during a March Madness timeout every bit as stimulating as listening the coaches and players ponder tactics and who’s No. 1. Since birds don’t talk, Herky’s end of the conversation consisted of charades….

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Me: How tall are you?

Herky: (Tapping a finger six times into his other palm, pausing, then tapping four times) 6-foot-4.

Me: What year in school?

Herky: (Tapping twice). Sophomore.

Me: Your major?

Herky: (Rubbing his thumb against two fingers). Business.

When lightly regarded Stephen F. Austin shocked West Virginia in this year’s first round, then gave Notre Dame a serious scare, the folks on the “electric teevee machine”—as my friend Charlie Pierce calls it—raved about the gritty, unemotional play of SFA senior Thomas Walkup. What never was mentioned was how Walkup, a muscular lad with a wilderness beard, was doppelganger to the school’s lumberjack mascot. (Newsday’s Laura Albanese noticed, and posted the Tweet below.)

lumberjacklumberjack

West Virginia, by the way, joins Stephen F. Austin as one of the few colleges whose mascot appears in human form (also bearded) with its Mountaineer. Which is fine, though not as much a conversation piece as St. Joseph’s University’s student-inside-an-eagle suit, who tirelessly flaps his wings throughout games. Or Syracuse’s student-inside-a-giant-orange.

We all know the tournament has no real relationship to higher education. The NCAA’s current 14-year March Madness television-rights deal is worth $10.8 billion. A single conference, the ACC, already was guaranteed $30 million based on advancing six teams into this year’s Sweet Sixteen. The most successful coaches regularly are the highest-paid employees at their colleges. One of this year’s semifinals features two teams—North Carolina vs. Syracuse—shaking off the effects of recent academic fraud.

By stripping away the peripheral ambiance—which, I submit, is a saving grace for an otherwise cynical and hypocritical operation—television’s treatment of the event further amplifies the serious-business aspect. At least give me a hint of campus life with the periodic fight song. And a student in a wacky critter suit.

(Mizzou's Truman, left, and me)

(Mizzou’s Truman, left, and me)

 

Upsets are the madness in March

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Bless the NCAA tournament’s custom of upsets, all of which are great things (except when they victimize your team). If it weren’t for Middle Tennessee State ambushing pre-tournament co-favorite Michigan State, Yale waylaying Baylor and Stephen F. Austin bushwhacking West Virginia over this year’s first weekend, where would the madness be?

yale

Each March, when the traditional rich-getting-richer powerhouses—the Kansases, Kentuckys, North Carolinas and Dukes—set about chasing yet another national championship and bigger television payday, the real charm is provided by the underprivileged. It is the presence of gypsies in the palace, unlikely to assume the throne but meanwhile smashing some of the fine dinner China, that expands the audience.

According to the 538.com Web site, the 2012 first-round victory by No. 15 seed Norfolk State over my alma mater, No. 2 Missouri, remains the biggest upset since the Big Dance was expanded to 64 teams in 1985. That’s a moment I choose not to celebrate. Still, what is so appealing about the tournament is the sudden, sky-high growth by previously perceived pipsqueaks. Apparent finders of magic beans.

So, no offense to Norfolk State, but among my favorites were Valparaiso, George Mason and, 34 years ago, Middle Tennessee State’s first iteration of its NCAA fairy tale. On that occasion, when the tournament still was limited to 48 teams, with 12 seeds per regional, I had been dispatched to Nashville by Newsday in anticipation of a second-round showdown between in-state powers Kentucky and Louisville, their first since 1959.

Louisville, as the Mideast Region’s No. 3 seed, had a first-round bye, awaiting No. 6 Kentucky’s assumed romp over the lightly regarded No. 11 seed snidely referred to as “Middle Tennis Shoes State.” Kentucky’s advance past Middle Tennessee was so likely that I left my portable computer in my motel room, across the Vanderbilt campus from the arena, with no plans of reporting on the game.

Naturally, Middle Tennessee won, 50-44—its first-ever NCAA tournament victory—prompting my mayday phone call to the office and a mile sprint back to my writing machine, on deadline, with the lead sentence becoming obvious as I ran: “Never plan ahead.”

Middle Tennessee’s coach then was an aw-shucks fellow named Stan Simpson, who recalled growing up in Georgia, “sitting up nights and listening to Cawood Ledford broadcast the Kentucky games on WHAS out of Louisville. Lord, I never thought I’d see this day.”

In 1998, Valparaiso—a small, Lutheran-affiliated school in Indiana so little known that its proper pronunciation of Val-puh-RAY-so regularly was miscast in the original Spanish, Val-puh-RIZE-zo—rolled into the Sweet 16 despite its No. 13 seed. Against No. 3 Ole Miss in the first round, Valpo was trailing by two points when it in-bounded the ball under the Ole Miss basket with 2.5 seconds to play, executed a 60-foot pass, then a quick flip to Bryce Drew, whose 23-foot three-point basket shocked all concerned. Valparaiso in a most delightful way.

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The personal downside to that uplifting development was that the crushed Ole Miss lads were coached by Robert Evans, a former high school classmate of mine in Hobbs, N.M. But that was offset, on a trip to Valparaiso the next week, when I encountered a community beside itself with giddiness. Valparaiso is the home of gourmet popcorn maker Orville Redenbacher, and its annual Popcorn Ball is described as the town’s “adult prom,” the biggest social event on the calendar. Yet that year, even Valparaiso’s mayor skipped the Ball to be in St. Louis for the university’s Sweet Sixteen game.

And Valparaiso’s coach, Homer Drew—Bryce’s father—told of how his son had turned down an offer from perennial NCAA tournament contender Syracuse to stay home with his dad’s team, in spite of Syracuse coach Jim Boeheim’s incredulous response: “Don’t you want to play in the Big Time?”

“When I was an assistant of Dale Brown at LSU,” Homer Drew said then, “I got to experience the Big Time. I’ve been coaching long enough to understand that fame is fleeting. I’m thrilled for my team, but you won’t be here next week. TV won’t be here. I’m just very blessed to have shared these four years with Bryce, because when fame is gone, family and friends will be there. That is most important.”

They’re still together at Valpo, too—Homer as associate athletic director and Bryce, since 2012, his successor as head coach.

Then there was the George Mason experience from 2006, when the school’s basketball team, an at-large addition to the NCAA field and seeded 11th in its regional, levitated right to the Final Four by knocking off No. 6 Michigan State, No. 3 (and defending champion) North Carolina, No. 7 Wichita State and No. 1 UConn.

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That run not only was a SportsCenter sensation and an underdog’s public relations windfall, but prompted then-university president Alan Merten to conflate the achievement of George Mason (the school team) with George Mason (the man). The latter, already dead 99 years before basketball was invented, “was the true bracket buster,” Merten gleefully informed me. One of the original American revolutionaries, a vigorous opponent of unrestricted power, an advocate for the little guy, Mason wrote Virginia’s Declaration of Rights, the blueprint for the U.S. Bill of Rights. And he told his neighbor and friend, George Washington, that he could not bring himself to sign the U.S. Constitution because it lacked a stipulation to eliminate slavery.

“We’re pesky,” president Merten said then. “I love that word that’s being used for our basketball team. As a university, too, we’re annoying, like George Mason was. We’re aggressive. We go by the rules but we don’t do it the way it’s always been done.”

This is the beauty of March Madness: The insistence that we revisit assumptions.