Quadrennial Olympic recitals never cease to be fascinating on several levels. So, with that in mind, here is a final medal ceremony for the 2024 Paris Games:
GOLD. Sprinter Winzar Kakiouea from Nauru, the world’s smallest island nation (population 13,000) out there in the middle of the Pacific Ocean, a touch north of the Equator. Kakiouea’s Olympics lasted 11.15 seconds, which is how long it took him to run the 100 meters in a first-round qualifying heat. Five runners in that heat ran faster, as did 34 of the 46 entered in the 100, which eventually was won by American Noah Lyles in 9.79 seconds in a smashing finish. All Kakiouea lacked were the top-notch training facilities enjoyed by large, rich nations; the coaching expertise, endorsement backing, regular competitions at the elite level and a deep pool of local rivals to regularly challenge him. (Those things had plenty to do with the United States and China winning the most gold medals in the Games, 40 apiece.)
SILVER. All the sports that NBC mostly kissed off—trampoline, canoeing, sport climbing, badminton, cycling, modern pentathlon, judo, sailing, skateboarding, surfing, taekwondo, weightlifting—so it could air endless hours of the U.S.-centric sports of basketball, swimming, gymnastics. Not to mention wall-to-wall beach volleyball. (The female players’ minimalist “uniforms” clearly had something to do with that.)
BRONZE. Doesn’t it seem odd that Olympic divers—marvelous, daring acrobats who train at their sport for hours on end—were so pale? Hardly bronze gods that an aquatic sport would appear to produce. (Must be from doing all their work indoors in natatoriums.)
TIN. Sorry; what is Snoop Dogg’s Olympic sport? From the Washington Post, there was this headline midway through NBC’s relentless attention to the so-yesterday rapper: “Are we watching the greatest sports event in the world, or a special episode of “The Voice”?
GOLD. The Clark Kent/pommel horse guy, Stephen Nedoroscik. We couldn’t see his viral fame coming any better than Nedoroscik apparently can see much of anything without his glasses. He reportedly can solve a Rubik’s Cube in 8.68 seconds and is a video-games champ—multi-talented even as he specializes in only one of the gymnastics disciplines.
SILVER. Table tennis. There were reports of U.S. basketball’s Anthony Edwards insisting that he could get at least a point in a match with any of the table tennis Olympians, who good-naturedly dismissed his claim. This is not ping-pong in your basement, with the family dog lurking to gobble up a wayward ball.
BRONZE. As a spectator sport, shooting hardly is riveting. Clearly there is a skill involved, but fans have to resort to a video screen image of the target showing each shot’s result. What was visual was 51-year-old Turkish air-pistol shooter Yusuf Dikec’s nonchalant stance as he prepared to fire—no protective glasses or headphones, his shooting arm outstretched, with his other hand in his pocket. Dikec won silver and several athletes mimicked his pose in post-competition celebrations, including Mondo Duplantis, the Swedish pole vaulter by way of Louisiana, after Duplantis set a world record in his event.
TIN. The inevitable Olympic downers: The IOC and boxing officials failing to agree—or to provide clear guidelines—on whether two female pugilists were in fact women. Doping accusations. Death threats targeting Opening Ceremonies director Thomas Jolly. Spying charges against Canadian soccer officials for flying a drone over New Zealand practice. These all are proof that, for all the unifying, escapist benefits of the Games, the Olympics reflect the imperfections of real life.
GOLD. Simone Biles in flight. The Netherlands’ Sifan Hassan winning medals in the 5,000 meters (bronze), 10,000 meters (bronze) and women’s marathon (gold). That’s almost 40 miles of racing (against the world’s best) in 10 days. Also: American Cole Hocker’s stretch-run finish to pass co-favorites (and committed rivals) Jakob Ingebrightsen of Norway, the defending Olympic champ, and Josh Kerr of Britain to win the men’s 1500.
SILVER. The variety of skills at the Games. Just how do those artistic swimmers pull off the flips and leaps from underwater during routines in which they hold their breath for up to 90 seconds? What sort of training, mentally and physically, prepares athletes for their various performances that feel a bit heroic? All pretty impressive.
BRONZE. How come the United States can’t settle on one uniform during the duration of the Games for all its track and field athletes? It would be far easier to follow them that way.
TIN. Biles’ brandishing of a G.O.A.T. necklace, a claim to being the Greatest of All Time. (There were plenty of “greatests” there—if in fact an operative definition of “greatest” is possible.) Biles won two golds in the five individual events she entered. Brilliant. But, then, American swimmer Katie Ledecky entered just two individual races, the women’s distance events, and won both, so she could claim dominance over her domain. However accomplished, many other Olympic athletes have only one discipline available to them—say, a shot putter or judoka, and therefore hope for only one potential medal. With a gold, might they be the greatest?
GOLD. French swimmer Leon Marchand. Always fun to see the host nation excited over its own stars, and Marchand got France off to a terrific start.
SILVER. Wonderful to see tiny countries winning Olympic gold for the first time against tremendous odds: Thea LaFond of Dominica in the women’s triple jump; Julien Alfred of Saint Lucia in the women’s 100 meters.
BRONZE. The non-flame Olympic flame cauldron. LED lights inside a 90-foot-tall, 20-foot-wide hot-air balloon was an inventive touch. Splendid, but felt like another step away from reality. Those LED lights were not lit from rays of the sun in Olympia, Greece, as has been the tradition.
TIN. A longstanding International Olympic Committee refusal to call Taiwan Taiwan, based on a political agreement with mainland China. So Taiwan has become Taipei at the Games, stuck with a generic Olympic flag.
GOLD. Swimming in the River Seine in the men’s and women’s triathlon. That’s bravery, there, even after $1.5 billion was spent to clean up the river.
SILVER. The big bell that track and field winners were invited to ring in celebration of victories. Made in Normandy, a gift from Olympic organizers to the city, the bell, assigned to hang in the Cathedral of Notre-Dame after the Games, was placed in Stade de France during the rugby competition and kept in the stadium when track events commenced.
BRONZE. Not enough was made of the presence of Ukrainian and Palestinian athletes at the Games and the escape from war they provided to their citizens.
TIN. Tom Cruise and Snoop Dogg in the Closing Ceremonies (in segments previously taped for NBC, yet!). There were 204 national teams represented at the Paris Games by more than 10,000 athletes in 32 sports, yet NBC’s Pavlovian instinct was to continually feature Boldface Names.
GOLD. The Marathon for All, opening the marathon route after Olympic competition to the hoi polloi for a citizen fun run.
SILVER. It’s probably not feasible for television to conjure the typical Olympic scene beyond the playing fields—a diverse picnic in countless languages, an amusement-park ride in which the riders really are half of the amusement. To witness the Olympics in person is culturally enlightening, competitively dramatic and generally great fun. Higher, faster and stronger than everyday stuff. But through the TV lens?
BRONZE. There were generally top reviews for the Closing Ceremonies, though the sense here was of an odd Cirque Soleil show—difficult to relate to the Games—and the only real highlight was of athletes from many nations joining in signing “We Are The Champions.” Of the World.
TIN. To the curmudgeonly knucklehead who awarded these medals.