It is now 10 years since star Newsday columnist Stan Isaacs died at 83, much too long to go without his annual Isaacs Ratings of Esoteric Distinction. Included in Isaacs’ lengthy and distinguished career as a serious journalist was an awareness of when to find a giggle, and that’s where IRED came in, a whimsical ranking of decidedly inconspicuous topics—“an appraisal of areas that are generally ignored by raters,” he proclaimed—such as bowling pins, Fred Astaire’s dancing partners, TV remote buttons, “People Who Are Neither on the Way Up or Down.”

Each April, something to fit “fools’ day,” Isaacs would publish his self-described “loving spoof of the Ring Magazine boxing ratings…a rush to respond to the unrecognized need for evaluation of quantities like the Bridges Across the River Seine.” He would commence with a grading of the best chocolate ice creams, then move on to such matters as evaluating “Things That Aren’t as Good as They Used to Be.”

A keen observer with a twinkle in his eye, Isaacs declared that there was “no category too arcane” to grade. Bryan Curtis of the website Grantland’s noted shortly after Isaacs’ death that he had been “a fierce opponent of whatever he was ‘supposed’ to be writing, an insurrectionist with a smile.”

To me and, I suspect, to veteran Newsday readers, he was a journalism hero. And so, herewith, a feeble attempt at resurrecting IRED with 2023 topics:

Balloons: 1, Animal; 2, Latex; 3, Weather; 4, Mylar; 5, Hot Air; 6, Chinese Spy.

Climates: 1, Tropical; 2, Dry; 3, Temperate; 4, Continental; 5, Polar; 6, Change.

George Santos claims (actual and otherwise): 1, Baruch College volleyball star; 2, Baruch College student; 3, Goldman Sachs superstar; 4, Jew-ish; 5, Broadway producer of “Spiderman” musical; 6, Super Bowl champion; 7, four-time Olympic taekwondo gold medalist; 8, CPA, DDS, MBA; 9, local dog catcher; 10, U.S. Congressman.

Persona non grata: 1, Russia; 2, George Santos; 3, Harry and Meghan.

Elvis impersonators outside of Las Vegas: 1, Austin Butler.

Bunnies and rabbits: 1, Easter; 2, Velveteen; 3, Pat The; 4, Br’er; 5, Energizer; 6. White; 7. Bad.

Not ready for prime-time spectator sports: 1, Quidditch; 2, Hot-dog eating; 3, Korfball (ask your Dutch friends); 4, Pickleball.

Technological breakthroughs: 1, Light bulb; 2, Telephone; 3, Internal combustion engine; 3, Internet; 4, iPhones; 6, chips (not potato); 7, A-I (TBD).

Artificial Intelligence: 1, Alexa; 2, Siri; 3, ChatGPT; 4, Bard; 5, Something called Flippy (if you’re hungry for fried food).

Baseball rules (old and new): 1, Infield fly; 2, Ground; 3, Pitch clock; 4, Pizza-box bases; 5, Universal DH; 6, Three strikes you’re out.

Fashion plate eligible for a Mr. Blackwell list: 1, LSU women’s basketball coach Kim Mulkey.

Comedy: 1, Sketch; 2, Stand-up; 3, Dark; 4, Topical; 5, Slapstick; 6, Endless, non-stop “news” of the New York Jets obtaining quarterback Aaron Rodgers.

Roadside signage too regularly ignored: 1, Speed limit 55; 2, Speed limit 20; No turn on red; 3, No U-turn; 4, No Parking; 5, Slow; 6, Stop.

Longest days: 1, First day of summer; 2, When daylight savings time ends (changed clocks add an hour to total 25); 3, Any day in a doctor’s office waiting room.

Major comebacks: 1, NASA shooting for the Moon after 50 years; 2, Inflation.

U.S. Presidents arrested: 1, Ulysses S. Grant (speeding in his horse-drawn carriage); 2, Donald Trump (34 counts).

Whatever happened to… 1, Snow; 2, Reading stuff in newspapers and books (as opposed to iPhones); 3, Facemask mandates.

Bulbs: 1, Halogen; 2, Fluorescent; 3, Incandescent; 4, LED; 5, dim.

The old college try: 1, NCAA women’s tournament runner-up Iowa; 2, NCAA men’s tournament runner-up San Diego State; 3, 30,000 runners in this year’s Boston Marathon (wherever they finish).

Channels: 1, PBS; 2, ABC; 3, CBS; 4, CNN; 5, ESPN; 6, Fox; 7, English.